A crush?

I have a crush on a 16 year old girl. Ok, before you call my wife, the leadership at my church, or the police, let me explain. It's not a junior high "I like her so-o-o much" type of a crush. It's more like God has shown me so much pain in her eyes, that my heart has been crushed for her.

I met her this past summer, at a senior high youth camp. The praise band I play with had the privilege of leading worship that week and I was blessed with the opportunity to meet some awesome people. One of those people was a girl that I'll call Jenny (in order to protect her innocence).

Jenny was a pretty girl, although her personal style de-emphasized her outer beauty. She was also a magnetic girl, people gravitated to her because of her personality. But there was something about Jenny that just broke my heart.

You see I had been recently replaying the words of a friend and co-worker in ministry, Josh. Josh had mentioned that on a trip to New Orleans he had asked God to allow him to see people the way God saw them. To see their joy and pain, their hope and suffering. Josh said that everywhere he turned he was broken down to tears because of the pain he saw in people's eyes. In the months leading up to this week of camp, I also prayed that I could see people the way that God sees them. When I met Jenny, my heart instantly broke.

We were playing a big group game out on the field. After a few minutes I noticed this multi-color haired girl in a camo jacket off to the side of the field. Then I felt a tug at my heart. I went over there to see if there was anything she needed. She said that she was fine, but that she can't play games that are physically demanding because of a spinal defect. I was blown away. I could see in her eyes that she had at 16 already faced more pain and suffering than anyone should have to endure.

Over the course of the week, Jenny and I continued talking. She had been let down by so many people: friends, parents, Christianity, camp counselors, ministers. I just felt that I had to let her know that I would not let her down. I prayed for her every night, and often during the day.

My wife, Michelle, had also felt the pain in Jenny's eyes. We became aware of her at all times. At worship: was she experiencing God? At dinner: Is she experiencing friendship? At free time: is she experiencing fun? Jenny became a part of our lives so quickly that by the end of the week our hearts were broken to have to leave her.

It's been nearly 5 months since that week of camp. I still chat with Jenny occasionally on instant messenger (although I usually feel like I am bothering her). And I still pray for her often. But I cannot forget the pain and heartache I saw in her eyes. I guess I still have a crush on her. My prayer is that I would continue to see people through God's eyes. To see them for who they are instead of who they want others to think they are. I want to see past stereo-typical, anti-social, and cross-culteral barriers. I want to see people in a way that I want to love them, I want to help them, I want to invest my life in theirs. I want God to break my heart everytime, until I have a crush on everyone I meet.

-Mike

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