<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d5982000\x26blogName\x3dWhere+do+I+go+from+here?\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://mikebox.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://mikebox.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-906998460830776098', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe", messageHandlersFilter: gapi.iframes.CROSS_ORIGIN_IFRAMES_FILTER, messageHandlers: { 'blogger-ping': function() {} } }); } }); </script>

Monday, January 24, 2005

When I was a child...

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 1 Corinthians 13:11

I have made a decision to finally put the childish ways behind me. I have been praying very hard about my purpose, my mission, my ministry in life. I have been so thoroughly dedicated to 3rd Place in the past 3 months that I really haven't had much time for anything else.

I am sort of just free form thinking here so I apologize if it is hard to follow.

3rd Place is continuing to grow - what a blessing!
The first 2 chapters of "Outside the Box" have drawn incredible reviews - thank you to those of you who have taken the time to read them!
Work has had its ups and downs - I am currently seeking new employment.
I have finally made the choice to go back to school - it has been almost 8 years in the making.

I found a program at Cincinnati Christian University offering an accelerated course schedule for working adults. You can earn a Bachelor's in 24 months attending classes one day a week. The degree is in Biblical Studies with an emphasis is Ministerial Leadership. This is a huge step as I basically turned my back on ministry once before. In hind sight, I feel that God was preparing me for a growth period, a re-formation, an emergence. I have dedicated myself to "postmodern" ministry for over a year know, and I am seeing the doors open more every day. I cannot continue to deny that God has a plan to use me in ministry. It is my joy and passion to teach others about Christ, and to equip them to do the same.

I will be honest it all scares me a lot. I mean, 7 years ago I dropped out of college. I had 3 years worth of classes under my belt. To be really honest, I flunked out, and decided not to pursue reviving my academic status. I didn't think that I was good enough to be a minister. I felt like a fake, a hypocrite. So I tried to change directions.
I quit.

But I look at all that came from that situation as a blessing. I met my incredible wife and was married. I worked in great places with wonderful people. I became involved in worship ministry. I was a sponsor for an awesome youth ministry. I contributed to forms of leadership in an incredible Church community. I took on roles as a small group leader. I was given the opportunity to start and facilitate 3rd Place. And now I am in the process of writing my first book. God has given me so many blessings and opportunities. He has also blessed me with unbelievable friendships. He has given me mentors to help guide and shape me. He has given me encouragers and "cheerleaders" to support me. He has given me honest friends to kick me in the butt when I need it.

I am so excited to see what will take place in the next 2 years. 3rd Place is my passion and ministry, and I will continue to pour all that I am into it.
|

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Chapter 2

I told some of you that I wasn't going to post anymore of my book, but I have decided to give you one more chapter. I hope it keeps your interest. Thanks for reading.



Cancer

When I was twelve years old, my mother was diagnosed with a type of pancreatic cancer. I remember feeling an uncontrollable anger wash over me; something that changed me. I become a bitter, angry, and hate-filled creature. By the time I entered my senior year, the cancer had overtaken much of her liver, and the cancer had taken over much of my heart.

My mother was a kind woman; well, I’m pretty sure she was. Your memory plays games with you sometimes. I have this childhood memory of one of my uncles. He is an intimidating man and rarely admits his faults or flaws. Somehow this arrogance and confidence created a false perception of him in my mind. For some reason I saw him as a much larger man than he was in reality. In my mind, my uncle was well over six feet tall. When I realized that I was taller than him, my memories of him were derailed. I think it had something to do with a kind of respect that I had for him, or I just thought that loud, obnoxious people must be tall. I don't really know. What I do know is that I really don’t remember much about my mother: except the talks.

Almost every night she and I would sit up and talk over mugs of hot cocoa. We would talk about life, school, family. But most of the time, we would talk about God. I guess when you know that you are dying, God becomes more of a concern than ever. One night, when I was in high school, I came home after a party to find my mom sitting at the table with a hot cup of cocoa waiting for me. We talked about the night, some of my choices, most of my mistakes, and why those choices didn't work out for me. She wasn't angry, but she was disappointed: and that hurt more than anything.

Certain things stand out in my memory of her. One of those is that I do remember that she had no friends. Seriously, all of the people in my mother’s life (aside from family) had pushed further and further away as her sickness had worsened. What a terrible feeling it must be: to know that you are dying, and dying alone. Don’t get me wrong, she had my father, and the rest of the family, but that was about it. Dad is a fireman, and a really good one at that. He has won several awards and honors. He takes a lot of pride in his occupation, as he should. But his hours were difficult to work around. He would work twenty-four hour shifts almost every other day. This meant that he would be gone one day, and be recuperating the next day. That made for a lot of nights alone for my mother.

My brothers and I spent a lot of times on our own or with our grandparents. But at 17, with a car, and a job, I pretty much did my own thing. That’s when I discovered binge drinking. I never cared much for alcohol, and my parents never had any around. I soon discovered that I could forget a lot of things while I was drinking. I could forget that my mother was dying. I could forget that I resented my father. I could forget that I was angry. Most of all I could forget about how much I hated God. I decided to turn my back to God. Now that isn't too easy with a family of Southern Baptists, especially when my grandmother was the epitome of a Southern Baptist Woman. But I figured out how to fake it real well. I would go to church with them, but I would draw, write poetry, flirt with the girls there: whatever I could do to avoid actually meeting God, I did it.

Because of my dad's job, I felt that I had missed out on all of the father-son activities that my friends and their fathers were doing. I never learned much about cars, or fishing, or any other “guy” things. It’s not that he was a deadbeat or even a bad father. He was busy. He was busy with work, busy providing for our physical needs. He was busy taking care of a sick wife. I resented him for years and I really didn’t know why. It wasn’t like he was a bad dad; looking back he was a pretty good one. I just wasn’t that close to him. I never really had a relationship with him and so I never really got to know him. He would make every attempt to be a part of what we were doing, but his job was a strain on him. If there are two regrets that I have, they would be (1) I didn’t spend enough time with my dad, and (2) I didn’t learn to play piano. Not necessarily in that order.


Wrestling with God

Since the day my parents told me about my mother’s cancer, I have been at odds with God. In fact, I can honestly say that I have cussed out God several times. I am happy to say that no lightning bolts have been sent my way. I don’t know how fair it is, but I blamed God for my mother being sick. I blamed God for my Dad working all the time. I blamed God when bad things happened in my life. So I decided that I didn’t really need a God that would let all of this happen. So, like I said earlier, I pretended to be a Christian. For years I was just going through the motions. Eventually I decided to just stop going to my parents’ church. I figured I could handle all of my problems on my own.

During this time, I had completely turned from God and Christianity. I had discovered alcohol, tobacco, and a few choice drugs instead. I also applied to Ball State University’s journalism department. I was hopeful to receive a scholarship. While attending a workshop on campus it was announced that I had in fact won two scholarships. I would basically only be financially responsible for the cost of my books. This was such a huge award because I knew that my father was not in any position to assist in funding my college education, so a scholarship was all I could hope for.

Ball State University has a great Journalism program, but it also has an even more famous party scene. It was once ranked in the top five of a men's magazine's list of the "Top Party Schools in the Country." Adding to the celebrated status of the festivities on campus was the fact that several of my close friends were already attending there or had connections there. This meant getting into the best parties, with the prettiest girls, and the best music. I had come along way from my Fundamentalist roots. And now I was ready to leave that all behind.

It was during the second semester of my senior year that my world started to change. Church was the furthest thing from my mind, but God must have been thinking about me. Right about then my friend Dana started to get really obnoxious.
|

Monday, January 17, 2005

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day


M.L.K. - by U2

Sleep
Sleep tonight
And may your dreams
Be realized
If the thunder cloud
Passes rain
So let it rain
Rain down him
So let it be
So let it be

Sleep
Sleep tonight
And may your dreams
Be realized
If the thundercloud
Passes rain
So let it rain
Let it rain
Rain on him


Pride, In the Name of Love - by U2

One man come in the name of love
One man come and go
One man come, he to justify
One man to overthrow

In the name of love
One more in the name of love
In the name of love
One more in the name of love

One man come on a barbed wire fence
One man he resist
One man washed on an empty beach
One man betrayed with a kiss

Early morning, april four
Shot rings out in the memphis sky
Free at last, they took your life
They could not take your pride

In the name of love
One more in the name of love
In the name of love
One more in the name of love






|

VERY Rough Draft of My First Chapter

Chapter 1
What will you be in 10 years?

The question was asked during my senior year in high school. It was an assignment for Brownie’s English class. "Brownie" was the nickname for Mr. Brown, English teacher, senior class sponsor, and all around friend to students. Brownie had this dirty-old-man air about him, but he was grandfatherly all the same. He ate antacids like they were candy. I guess he ate a bottle full in a day or so. Brownie’s class was always interesting. It was there that I first learned about Voltaire, Descartes, and C.S. Lewis. It was in that class that I discovered Dante and his Inferno. It was in his class that I realized that I loved to read and write.

“What will I be in 10 years?” How could I know? I couldn’t predict the future. I always hated those kinds of questions: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” “What kind of impact will your life have on the world?” “How will people remember you when you are gone?” How can anyone honestly answer these questions? I was getting frustrated. I was only 17, and my biggest concern was just getting through the day. So I sat in Brownie’s class trying to come up with something intelligible for the assignment, but all I could do was doodle and scribble band names on my folder. "Maybe I should write about music."

Music has always been a huge part of my life. My mother once told me that my father would put headphones on her pregnant belly as I kicked to the rhythm of Queen's "We Will Rock You." He was into the guitar greats: Clapton, Hendrix, Page, and more. When I was young I used to listen to his Queen albums over and over again. I wanted my fingers to scream across the neck of a guitar like Brian May.

Mom, on the other hand, was more refined in her taste of music. I think that she tolerated Dad’s music, but she was more interested in vocalists and classic instrumentalists, specifically the “Kings of Hair:” Michael Bolton and Kenny G. I still cringe when I think about it.

I remember sitting in classes just trying to think up “cool” band names. Fronting a band was a dream of mine, but it never really panned out. I couldn’t play anything, I could barely sing, and I couldn’t write music. But I could write lyrics…I had tons of lyrics.

About my junior year, I had found interest in poetry. I knew that it was not the coolest thing a guy could do, but I became interested in this romantic language for one reason: GIRLS. I soon realized that most girls see right through that strategy. I soon started to understand that by writing I was releasing something pent up inside of me. It was in this kind of therapeutic self-discovery that I began to see the scary side of myself. I started writing about death, suicide, and pain. In fact it became all that I wrote about.

I wouldn’t say that I was suicidal or even depressed, but there were inklings of who I could become in those morbid writings. And I was OK with that, because I thought that I was finding myself. Writing was filling a void. I didn’t know what was missing, but when I put a pen to paper I was transformed.

So I started writing for the school yearbook. I was consumed not only with the writing, but also with the mundane aspects of journalism: layout, design, promotion, and marketing. I threw myself into it, often staying after school till 10:00 or later. By my senior year I knew what I was going to do with my life: I was going to be a writer.

I became an editor of the yearbook my senior year and started writing for the school newspaper. It was all I thought about: I was obsessed. I even started writing articles for the local city newspaper. I began to think about writing as a profession. Then it hit me: Rolling Stone Magazine. I loved music, I loved writing. I always wanted to be in a band, but maybe I could do the next best thing; I could get paid to follow bands and write about them. So I set my goal, I was going to be a writer for Rolling Stone.

Brownie was less than pleased with my paper. I guess I misinterpreted his meaning in assigning the paper. Apparently he wanted something a little more philosophic than what I wrote. I think he secretly wished he was a philosophy professor at a prestigious college. He gave me an 82% on the paper, but that was OK, because I had discovered who I would be.
|

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Life is too fast

Have you ever noticed how rushed we are as a culture? I mean seriously, we have an acronym, abbreviation, or shorthand word for everything. We communicate in a hurried manner in almost every way possible. I remember a teacher I had in High School that would take points off if we used contractions in our papers. Now, it is very acceptable to use contractions most of the time.
Think about our everyday situations. What do ABC, NBC, CBS, NASA, FBI, CIA, NFL, NBA actually mean? What about CPU, MPG, MBA, AARP, ACLU, UNICEF?

The internet has made these abbreviations even more acceptable: WYSIWYG, WiFi, HTML, JPEG, MPEG, Mp3.
Throw in the newest craze of text messaging and you start to create a new language altogether.

This linguistic laziness creeps into our formal conversations also. We shorten words that don not necessarily require shortening. I know am minister that uses the word "relaship" as an actual word. He probably feels compelled to get so much information transferred to the congregation that he rushes through the word "relationship." I doubt that any others hear these subtle inaccuracies, but they irritate me.

I think it just boils down to the fact that for some reason we, as a culture, have allowed our lives to become so incredibly over-committed. We do not feel that there are enough hours in a day. I fear that this fast paced, break neck lifestyle is taking away from those things that should take priority: family, interests, hobbies, talents, spouses, education, and especially God. How often do we honestly take the time to pray, meditate, worship, and just "be" with God? If you are like me, then the answer is, "Not often enough."

An interesting passage from Scripture is Psalms 46:10

In the New International Version it reads:
10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."


Other versions of this passage include The Message:
10"Step out of the traffic! Take a long,
loving look at me, your High God,
above politics, above everything."


The New Living Version says:
10 "Be silent, and know that I am God!
I will be honored by every nation.
I will be honored throughout the world."


I think it is important for us not to get so caught up in the fast pace of our culture's busy-ness, but instead take time to reflect on God, embrace His truth, and His goodness.
|

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Donate

I really don't have anything to say today. Just please donate to the tsunami relief fund.
So many lives have been devastated by this terrible situation. Please give, even if it is just $20.00 it will help someone who has been injured or lost a loved one. Please pray about this and consider contributing. Click the Red Cross logo to be directed to their site.
|

Monday, January 03, 2005

All is quiet on New Year's Day?

It's a new year! And I meant to give the site a new look, but i am a procrastinator. So, maybe i'll do that tomorrow. This has been a crazy week. I have been feverishly scribbling in the notebook that is becoming my book. I can't seem to put down the pen. I anxiously await the day it is printed and bound. That will be an amazing feeling.

Michelle and i had a house guest for the week. Our friend Jessica came to visit her boyfriend, Chris. She needed a place to crash and we were more than willing to help her out. They are both such amazing people and are perfect for each other. We had a lot of fun times, like a snowball fight inside michelle's car, fun at Starbucks, and me spearing chris into the snow.


anyway, Jessica left today, and there were sad times had by all. She is going to go to college in Cincy, so we will see her soon.

In the middle of all that, michelle and i drove up to wauseon, ohio to see her sister. Michelle's parents flew in from texas for the week, so we exchanged gifts. I got some cash, so i am going out to buy, "The Perks of Being a Wallflower." It is an amazing book. By the way, if any of you have read it, there is an online test to tell you which character you are most like. Well, I am like patrick.

We had 3rd Place tonight and had a lot of cool things happen. Stories were shared. New year's resolutions were broken, and some secret surprises were told. (but i can't be specific yet)
We missed Doug tonight, he had spent the week in Boca. But is now at Passion '05 in Nashville. It really stinks to be that guy. We also missed a few others. but those of us that were here, had a great time.

by the way, i formally announced my book in progress to my friends at 3rd Place tonight. they are very supportive of it. Well that is all for the update for now. I will try to get on more often this year. thanks for reading.
|